


He said 'Bucky' and suddenly I was that 16-year-old boy from Brooklyn again

by under_the_perseids



Series: Before We Get Started, Does Anyone Want to Get Out? [1]
Category: Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Bucky Barnes Feels, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Hand Jobs, Idiots in Love, M/M, No Angst, Oblivious Steve Rogers, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Pre-War, Steve Rogers Feels, consent asked for and given, consent is important people
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-02
Updated: 2020-12-02
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:47:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27843223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/under_the_perseids/pseuds/under_the_perseids
Summary: Bucky has kept his feelings for Steve pretty well under wraps, until it starts unraveling with unexpected, but not unwelcome, consequences.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Series: Before We Get Started, Does Anyone Want to Get Out? [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2048645
Comments: 10
Kudos: 80





	He said 'Bucky' and suddenly I was that 16-year-old boy from Brooklyn again

**Author's Note:**

> Please be gentle; it's my first time.

Bucky quickly, but quietly, walked toward the back shelves of the library where he knew he’d find Steve. Shelving books at the library was about one of the only jobs anyone would give poor little Steve Rogers with his bad back and defective lungs. “Hey Stevie! Guess what?” Bucky whispered excitedly. Not waiting for an answer, he continued on, “MaryAnn Thompson said her cousin, Gloria, will be in town this weekend. I figure we can go to the cinema and see the new John Barrymore film, get some shakes afterward, and maybe you’ll finally even get a kiss!” Bucky grinned, teasing Steve, hoping some of his enthusiasm would rub off.

“Aw, Buck, no girl is ever going to want to kiss me, let alone go on a date with me.” Steve had no illusions over that anymore. He’d long ago accepted that girls were just not interested in half-deaf, colorblind, asthmatics with scoliosis who end up in the hospital every winter because of pneumonia. Girls wanted boys like Bucky: charming, athletic, smart, handsome. He was okay with it...now. He hadn’t been, though: he’d railed at the injustices life had served him. Couldn’t understand how life could be so unfair, so cruel. But now, Steve had (mostly) accepted what life had given him. At least he could draw, he had a steady job at the library after school, and he had the best pal a guy could ask for in Bucky. But that didn’t stop Bucky from trying to get Steve to go on dates, even when Steve didn’t want him to.

Bucky pouted at that and crossed his arms. “Don’t be like that, Stevie. There’s a dame out there who’ll wanna kiss ya. We just gotta find her.”

“Yeah? And how long’s that gonna take? How many dates have you set me up on, and how many girls have I disappointed because I ain’t you?” Steve sighed. “Face it, Buck. I’m gonna die alone because no girl is ever gonna take a second look at me. Heck, most of ‘em don’t even give me a first look.”

Bucky opened his mouth to protest, but Steve cut him off. “I’m okay with it, Bucky. I really am. I never have fun when you force me on double dates and neither do the girls. Why make them suffer? Now, you have to get home to help your ma with your sisters, and I have to finish shelving these books. Get going.”

Raising his hands in surrender, Bucky said, “Fine. You win...this time around. Be your usual stubborn ass of a self, but I’ll prove you wrong eventually. There _will_ be a dame someday who wants to kiss you. Because if I--” Bucky stopped abruptly, with a look of horror on his face. “Because I say so,” he finished lamely, turned quickly, and walked out of the library.

Steve looked after his friend, wondering what Bucky had been going to say. He eventually shrugged and turned back to the cart and started shelving the books.

* * *

Bucky walked as quickly as he could through the library without running to get outside. _Ohshitohshitohshitohshit_ . Fucking hell! Had he really almost let slip to Steve his most guarded secret?! As he reached the doors, he tried to calm down in case anyone saw him. Leaning against the wall when he got outside, Bucky took a cigarette out and shakily lit it. He can’t believe he almost told Steve. He promised himself he would take that to his grave. No one needed to ever know, especially Steve. Steve would hate him forever if he ever found out. And probably never talk to him again, and Bucky wouldn’t even blame him for it. _Get it together, Barnes!_ As his hand finally stopped shaking, Bucky leaned his head against the bricks, closed his eyes, and took a long drag on his cigarette. Exhaling slowly, he shook his head to clear his mind and started on home. 

*****

At school the next day, Bucky tried to act normal, but he couldn’t focus. His almost life-ending near-miss kept replaying through his mind like a terrible second-rate horror movie. He was pretty sure Mrs. Jones even yelled at him in calculus, but he had been too busy thinking about what would have happened if he had finished what he had been going to say. What would Steve have done? Would he have hit him? (Most likely, as Steve seemed to like getting into fights even when he had no business doing so, being all of 5’4” and maybe 100 pounds after a heavy meal.) Would he have just walked away and never talked to Bucky again? As those thoughts spiraled more and more out of control, he realized that Steve was now standing next to him and had obviously asked him something. “Huh?” he asked eloquently, blinking owlishly at Steve.

“Ah jeez, Bucky. I asked if you were okay. Are ya feelin’ sick or something?”

“Oh. Nah, I ain’t sick. Just got a lot on my mind, I guess.” Hoping to steer the conversation in another direction and hoping to get his mind off of _that subject_ , Bucky asked, “So you never really answered yesterday about Friday. I gotta let MaryAnn know if she and her cousin are going to be swept off their feet by us or some other poor schmucks.”

“Didn’t ya hear me say that I don’t have fun on these dates?”

“That’s not a no.”

“You’re a jerk, Barnes.”

“And you’re a punk, Rogers.” Bucky grinned, “But you still haven’t answered yes or no to Friday.”

Steve sighed. “And you call _me_ stubborn. Fine. Fine! Yes, I’ll go with you on your stupid date with MaryAnn Thompson and her cousin. I promise I won’t have any fun. Happy now?”

Laughing, Bucky put his arm around Steve’s shoulder. “Very. I gotta go find MaryAnn and let her know. You working after school today?”

Shrugging off Bucky’s arm, Steve replied, “Nah, just Tuesday and Thursday this week. You coming over to my place for homework, or do you gotta watch your sisters again?”

“I have to watch my sisters again. But why dontcha come over? You know the girls love you, and my ma doesn’t mind feeding you.”

“You just want _me_ to watch your sisters so you can moon about _MaryAnn Thompson and her blue eyes_ ,” Steve finished in a sing-song voice and elbowed Bucky in the ribs. 

Bucky swallowed and thought, _It’s not_ her _blue eyes I think about._ And then, _Pull it together, Barnes. Christ._

* * *

In general, Steve was not jealous of Bucky. But at times like these, he had a hard time not feeling a slight twinge at seeing Bucky with his parents and sisters about the dinner table. At Steve’s home, it was just him and his ma. Not that Sarah Rogers didn’t do her best to make life as comfortable as possible for her and Steve, but sometimes Steve wished his father was still alive with maybe a sibling or two. 

Bucky’s home was always full of sound and love with affectionate parents and three over-exuberant younger sisters. And Steve loved all of them. He had been coming to the Barnes’ home since he met Bucky at six years old and had felt like family from the first moment. Bucky’s ma, Winifred (“ _Oh honey, how many times do I have to tell you to call me Freddie. Mrs Barnes is my mother-in-law.”_ ) always made sure Steve had second helpings of whatever they were eating, even though she had six mouths to feed in her own family, and Bucky’s dad, George, always had a joke for Steve. 

Tonight’s dinner was mouth-watering roast beef and crisp baked potatoes. The Barnes children roared with laughter at their father’s story from work that day. “And then he said, ‘Might I come with you for a wee tipple after work?’” George guffawed and banged his fist on the table.

“George,” admonished Winifred, “Is that story really appropriate for the younger ears?” But Steve could see her trying to hold back a smile. She looked toward Steve, “Would you like another piece, dear?” He was about to decline, but he could see that she wasn’t going to take no for an answer.

“Yes, please. It’s delicious.” Steve wished that he didn’t want to eat everything in sight when he was at the Barnes’ house, but it was rare when his own ma was able to get good cuts of meat on her measly nurse’s salary. Steve was used to sometimes going weeks without meat at home, so it was a treat when he ate at Bucky’s house. And he was pretty sure Winifred knew that. He appreciatively thanked her when she placed more roast beef on his plate.

“So, what are you boys up to this weekend?” inquired George.

Steve covered his face with his hands and groaned, “Bucky’s making me go on _another_ double date with him. Apparently MaryAnn Thompson’s cousin is in town and needs to be taken out.” He didn’t care if he sounded like a spoiled whiny brat. Bucky’s sisters giggled at his childishness while his parents glanced at each other. 

“Is that Fred Thompson’s girl, Bucky?” his father asked.

“Yeah, I think so. Why?”

“You know he works above me at the factory. Just make sure you or Steve don’t break her heart. He’s mighty protective of his girls. You better be gentlemen with them.”

Bucky grinned and said, “Pop, I’m always a gentleman with the dames.”

Winifred smacked the back of his head saying, “Not with language like that, you’re not. You call them _ladies_ , not dames. How crude, James.”

“Ooh, Bucky, Ma called you _James_ ,” his little sister, Frankie, said. She was only eight, so Bucky didn’t retaliate. However, he did make a rude gesture at his 14 year old sister, Becca, as she stuck out her tongue at him. Luckily, neither his ma or pops saw it. 

“C’mon, Steve. Let’s go to my room and we can finish our homework,” Bucky didn’t wait for his friend as he left the dining room.

Steve turned to Winifred and said, “Sorry ‘bout him. He’s been acting a bit weird lately. Thank you again for dinner. As always, it was delicious.”

Bucky’s ma smiled kindly and gave Steve a quick hug. “Thanks, honey. That means a lot. At least you have manners, unlike my wretched offspring.” She looked at her daughters, glaring slightly. “If I don’t see you when you head home, tell your mother I say hello.”

“I will, Mrs Barnes….er, Freddie.” At that, Steve turned and followed Bucky to his room.

* * *

Friday night rolled around rather quickly, and Bucky found himself walking relatively slowly to Steve’s apartment. He had realized after Steve left his house on Wednesday that he wasn’t too interested in the double date after all, but by then, it was too late to cancel. And contrary to what his ma thought, he did actually treat the girls right who he went on dates with. He was ever the gentleman, which was part of the reason girls wanted to date him. And at 18, he was becoming quite the young man, instead of a boy. Even if he didn’t want to go steady with MaryAnn, he could still have fun tonight, as long as Steve wasn’t too grumpy, which, given their previous adventures with double dating, was not looking too good. Bucky eventually got to Steve’s apartment, and when he knocked, Sarah Rogers let him in.

“Oh, Bucky, dear, it’s wonderful to see you. You’re looking very dashing tonight, and Steve’s in a mood. I take it you have some girls you’re taking out?” Sarah said with humor brightening her eyes. Nothing much got past her, and she was quite in tune with Steve’s rather tempestuous moods. “Please, come in. Go and see if you can get Steve into a better mood.”

“Ma’am, I think that’s impossible. Steve only gets into a better mood when Steve sees fit. But I’ll try.” Bucky walked to Steve’s room and knocked before he let himself in. Steve was laying on the bed, only half-dressed in slacks and an undershirt, staring up at the ceiling. “Steve, what are you doing?”

“Buck, I’m not going. What’s the point? The girls are going to ignore me in favor of you, and I’ll just bring the whole group down. You just go with the girls. Who wouldn’t want to go on a date with two girls interested in them?” Steve lamented lamely.

While what Steve said was probably true, Bucky couldn’t help but think _I’d rather just go with you._ But instead he said, “C’mon, Stevie. Finished getting dressed. We’re going to go out and show those girls a good time. MaryAnn was saying that her cousin was a bit on the quiet side. Maybe you and her can just be quiet together.”

“Ha ha, Barnes, very funny. But seriously, after this? No more dates. I mean it this time. If I’m meant to find someone, it’ll happen. Why force it.” Steve stood up, put on a shirt, and started buttoning it up. 

Bucky tried to not stare at his friend’s long nimble fingers, wishing they were undoing-- _Nope. Not thinking that._ He mentally shook himself and said, “Steve. How are you going to find someone if you never go out? It’s not like they’re going to fall into your lap on the subway and say, ‘I’m the love of your life. Marry me.’ Plus, you’re only 16--” Steve glared at him at that. “Fine, almost 17. How are you a grumpy old man already? You’ve got plenty of years to find someone.”

“Ugh, don’t remind me. I don’t want to spend all that time dating. It’s exhausting. And it’s fine for you to say that. Every girl is already drooling after you.”

“Maybe I don’t want someone to drool after me. Maybe I enjoy getting to hang out with my best pal and have fun with some dames while we’re at it. Didja ever think of that?”

Steve actually looked up at that. “I--I guess I haven’t thought of it like that.” He gave Bucky a quizzical look. “Whatcha mean, you don’t want someone drooling after you? Every girl you’ve gone on a date with is like that.”

“And haven’t you noticed that I haven’t gone on a second date with a single one of them? I want someone I can just be _me_ with, who I can talk to for hours and feel like it’s only been seconds. Someone who is kind and sweet, but has a backbone of steel. Someone like--” _Someone like you._ “Someone...kinda like your ma, I guess.” Bucky hopes that Steve doesn’t realize that he’s not talking about Sarah Rogers, at all.

Trying to keep a straight face, Steve asks, “My _ma_?! Bucky, I know she’s young, but I still think she’s a bit too old for you. Should I call you ‘Step-father’ right now?” Steve can’t contain his laughter after that, and the giggles erupt out of him. Bucky eventually joins in.

“Come off it, Steve. Your ma’s a respectable lady, and I admire her. But no, I think I want someone closer to my age. And anyway, who’d want you for a stepson? You’re always grumpy.” Bucky was glad that he got Steve to laugh. Maybe tonight would go better than he thought.

Wiping the tears out of his eyes, Steve laughed, “My ma. Honestly, Buck. That’s a good one. You’re not getting away from that one any time soon. Well, I guess we’d better go pick up the girls and get this night over with. My ma...seriously.” He chuckled all the way out to the street below.

* * *

Steve remained in good spirits all the way to MaryAnn’s house, and it didn’t fully diminish even though it was obvious that her cousin, Gloria, was much more interested in Bucky than Steve. The funny thing was, he thought, was that _Bucky_ seemed much less interested in the date than usual. He was still charming and pleasant, but he didn’t quite shine as bright as Steve had seen in the past. Not for the first time that week, Steve wondered what was bothering his friend. Bucky didn’t generally tend to be introverted, but he definitely was leaning towards it this week. 

Even though it was obvious that Gloria would rather be with Bucky, she was at least pleasant to Steve and didn’t treat him like something on the bottom of her shoe. She was actually interested in art, and they talked about their favorite artists on the way to the cinema. They watched the comedy _20th Century_ and laughed through the whole film, and then went to get ice cream afterwards. Steve thought that he wouldn’t mind going on dates if more of them were like this. He actually had fun, despite himself. The four of them were discussing the movie when Bucky said, rather abruptly, “Well, it’s getting late. We should be getting you girls home.” Steve was surprised. Usually, Bucky wanted to stay out as late as possible. MaryAnn and Gloria looked at each other. “I don’t want to get in trouble with your father, MaryAnn,” Bucky clarified.

MaryAnn sighed and said, “He puts the fear of God into every boy that comes to the door, even if it’s just the newspaper boy. I think he rather enjoys seeing how white their faces go.” 

Gloria nodded in agreement. She chimed in, “Maybe the next time I’m in town, the four of us can go dancing.”

Steve nearly choked on his ice cream when Gloria said that. No one ever suggested dancing after having been on a date with him. In a strained voice, he found himself saying, “Sure, that sounds like fun.” _What?!_ He didn’t dance. He hated dancing. What was this?

Bucky looked taken aback. Looking at him with a puzzled expression, but talking to the girls, he said, “Yeah, that sounds like a good time. Should we head out?”

It only took about 15 minutes to get back to MaryAnn’s house. As they reached the front stoop, Bucky remembered his manners. “Gloria, it was good to meet you. We’ll definitely go dancing next time you’re in town. MaryAnn, I had a lovely time tonight.” He leaned in to give MaryAnn a kiss on the cheek. But surprising everyone, was when Gloria gave a quick peck to Steve’s cheek, and said, “Next time, we’ll have to talk more about Kandinsky, Steve. Good night.” The girls went inside, leaving both Steve and Bucky in a state of shock.

“Um...what just happened?” Steve wondered as they headed back to Steve’s apartment.

“It appears you got your first kiss.” Bucky sounded slightly bitter, but Steve couldn’t understand why as Bucky had been pushing for years to find a girl to kiss him. Steve thought his friend would be happy that he had had a good time. He had been pleasantly surprised when Gloria started talking about art. Most girls, at least the girls Bucky found, didn’t care for art. Steve found that when he had something in common with his date, it went better than anticipated. Who knew?

Bucky walked with his head down and looked slightly dejected. Steve asked, “What’s wrong, Buck? I had fun tonight. I know Gloria wasn’t really interested in me as a date, but she seems a swell gal to be friends with. And MaryAnn, too. She seemed like good fun.”

“Friends? You--you’re not interested in Gloria? Even after she kissed ya?” Bucky was a bit more alert than he had been.

“Nah. I mean, it was nice to not be invisible the whole night, and even nicer that she and I had something to talk about. I could tell that she didn’t really want me, but I’m okay with that. I appreciate that she at least made an effort to talk to me instead of brushing me off. And the kiss was out of the blue but not unwanted.” Steve didn’t think the kiss was out of pity, luckily, but more out of some sort of sense of _noblesse oblige_. He didn’t mind, though. He thought that Gloria was genuinely nice because that was just the kind of person she was. 

* * *

Bucky was stunned. He thought Steve would have felt the kiss was out of pity and would be seeing red at that. His friend _hated_ anything that even remotely smelled of pity. But Bucky agreed that it was a nice change of pace that Steve’s date actually paid attention to him. Most of the time, they were morose because of Steve’s taciturn attitude. And he’d be taciturn because of their morosity. The wheel that ever turned. 

But Bucky was dealing with his own inner turmoil, and he felt like an ass for it. He hadn’t really enjoyed his date because Steve was enjoying _his_ . MaryAnn had been lovely, just like Gloria, but Bucky only paid her half of his attention the whole night, and he had been itching from the beginning for it to be over. Not that he didn’t _want_ Steve to enjoy going on a date, but Bucky wanted it to be _him_ that made it enjoyable for Steve. Christ. What was wrong with him? He realized Steve was talking and focused on him.

“--working the night shift. You still stayin’ over?” Luckily, Sarah didn’t have to work overnight very often, but when she did, Bucky usually spent the night so that Steve didn’t have to be alone. 

“Hm? Oh, yeah. Gotta stick to tradition, right?”

They reached Steve’s apartment and walked inside. Bucky helped himself to a glass of water and sat on the couch as Steve locked the door. It had been a long time since Bucky had felt like a guest at Steve’s place. While he liked his own home, it was nice to be at Steve’s where it was quiet and he could think. However, tonight he was thinking too much, and it wasn’t anything that he could share with Steve, even though he really wanted to. 

“Buck? Bucky, what’s going on with you lately? You’ve been absent-minded and haven’t seemed like yourself.” _Oh shit_ , Steve had been talking to him and he hadn’t noticed. _Again._

“I guess I’ve got things on my mind.”

“Yeah, I can see that. Care to share?” Steve looked at him intently, clearly concerned for his friend.

Bucky cleared his throat and shrugged. “It’s no big deal. It’ll sort itself out eventually.” He didn’t dare look Steve in the eyes. He felt as though he’d fall apart if he looked into Steve’s piercing blue gaze. Steve audibly huffed, and Bucky could feel him square up his shoulders like he was preparing for a fight. “Steve--”

“Nope. Out with it. You’ve been acting weird all week, and I want to know why,” Steve demanded.

Bucky looked down at his hands and whispered, “I can’t, Steve. I can’t tell you this.”

“ _Buck_ ,” Steve nearly whined his name, sounding hurt. “I’m your best friend. You can tell me anything.”

“I can’t tell you this,” Bucky repeated so quietly he wasn’t sure if Steve heard him or not.

“Goddammit, Bucky! What the hell’s wrong with you? We’ve been friends for 10 years and seen each other through everything! You’ve seen me nearly die how many times from pneumonia? I witnessed Frankie’s birth, for God’s sake! Jesus...that’s something I don’t need to see again. So, come on. Tell me what’s botherin’ you.” Bucky could tell that Steve was reaching his limit on bullshit answers, but he didn’t know what to do or say. He finally looked up at his friend. Steve was standing with his arms crossed and looking fit to be tied. Bucky stood up and started pacing.

“Steve, I want to tell you. God knows how much I want to tell you, but I just can’t. It ain’t right.” He really needed a cigarette right now. His hands were visibly shaking.

“What’s not right,” Steve said in a deadly still tone.

“What I’m feeling, alright?!”

“And what are you feeling?”

“Too much, Steve. I’m feeling way too much, and you’re not helping matters none!” Glancing at Steve, he saw his friend glaring daggers at him. 

“What? Do you not want to be friends anymore? Have you finally realized that you’re better off without me hanging about? That you’d have more friends if I wasn’t around? What. Is. It.” Bucky looked closer at his friend and realized that Steve was close to tears. He thought Bucky didn’t want to be friends anymore?

“Stevie, no! Of course I still want to be friends with you. And what do you mean that I’d be better off without you?”

“Then what is it, Buck? Please,” Steve’s voice cracked with emotion on that last syllable.

“It’s--I--,” Bucky cleared his throat a few times. “Damn you, Steve, you stubborn ass. I want you, okay?!”

Steve looked dumbfounded, all anger draining away. “You want me to what?”

“Christ, Stevie! I want you like I should want MaryAnn and all those other girls! You’re the best thing in my life, and now that you’ve made me tell you, you’re never going to want to see me again!” Bucky exploded.

“Why wouldn’t I want to see you? You’re my best friend,” Steve said stupidly.

“Oh, don’t be thick, you jackass. You wanna know why I force you on all these double dates? It’s because I want to be with _you_. I can pretend that you and I are going on a date together. As an actual couple. And now? Now you’re not going to want anything to do with me.” He didn’t realize it, but he had tears streaming down his face. The one thing Bucky wanted and feared the most to tell Steve, and Steve was acting like he didn’t understand.

* * *

“Buck,” Steve said kindly. His heart ached for his friend and the angst he was clearly going through. “I’m not going anywhere. I gotta admit, I’m a bit blown away at the moment and am trying to get my bearings. But I’m not going anywhere. Please sit down. You’re going to wear lines in the floor if you keep pacing like that.”

“Why are you so calm? I just confessed that I’m a deviant, that I’m an invert, and you’re concerned about your flooring?!” Bucky looked terrified at what Steve was going to say next.

Steve wanted to reach out and put a comforting hand on Bucky’s arm, but his friend looked like he was going to bolt at the slightest touch. “Bucky, I’m not concerned about the flooring...Jesus. I’m concerned for _you_. And I don’t mind anyone being an invert. I think you should be allowed to love who you want, as long as you’re not harming anyone.”

Bucky startled at that. He finally looked at Steve and asked, “Yeah, but what about the fact that I want _you_? You don’t mind that?”

“I’m not really sure what I feel about that yet. It’s a lot to take in, and I’ve never had anyone like me before so it’s a new feeling.” Bucky still looked petrified, and Steve wanted to reassure him. “But I’m not mad. I am a little sorry that I pushed you so hard, though. I thought you were going to say that I was excess baggage and you didn’t want me around anymore.”

Bucky huffed out what could have been a relieved laugh and said, “Thanks, you punk. And never think that I don’t want you around. That’s the opposite of what I want.” He leaned back against the couch and relaxed a little more. He looked up at the ceiling and said quietly, “Thank you for being my friend. And for not punching me. I was very much expecting to get socked in the jaw.”

Laughing, Steve agreed that him punching Bucky would not have been a completely unexpected scenario. “Yeah, I could see why you would think that.” Steve was quiet for a few minutes, just thinking. He knew Bucky was still anxious about what he thought about the whole confession. And...he wasn’t sure. Society said he should be disgusted by his friend’s feelings, and the law said that he should turn Bucky in for those feelings. But, he neither felt disgust nor thought that those feelings should be against the law. That, Steve felt very strongly on. As to those feelings being directed at _him_? He still wasn’t sure, but he certainly didn’t feel negatively. Maybe this was the answer all along? Maybe the reason he hadn’t truly tried to be interested in any of the dates Bucky made him go on was because, deep down, he felt the same way towards his friend. Now, that was an idea. Steve thought about it a bit more. He always wanted to be close to Bucky; even when they got into fights with each other, he wanted Bucky nearby. That’s why he was so upset when he thought that Bucky didn’t want him around anymore. Maybe it was strange for friends to want to be at each other’s sides constantly, but that’s the way they had been since they met, ten years ago. 

Steve never really thought about soulmates before, but now he explored that idea. What had Bucky said earlier about wanting to be able to talk to someone for hours and it only felt like seconds? That’s how he felt about Bucky. Huh. They complemented each other pretty well, too. One’s weakness was filled in by the other’s strength. Steve never seemed to have any patience, except for when he was drawing, and Bucky had patience in droves, probably from dealing with three younger sisters. But along with that patience, Bucky also had the tendency to let people walk over him. He could be too nice, if that were a thing. And Steve would never let _anyone_ take advantage of him. Most people just saw Steve as angry and spiteful and never bothered to get to know him. Not that he wanted them to get to know him; most people were shallow and only cared about material things. But something about Bucky made him pay attention all those years ago. 

“Steve…?” Bucky’s hesitant voice broke through Steve’s musings. “What’s going through your head, pal?”

“I’m just thinking through some things that I hadn’t thought about before. Trying to figure some things out. Don’t worry, it’s nothing bad.” Steve reassured Bucky. “I promise.”

“Okaaaay, if you say so.” Bucky sounded so timid and unlike himself that Steve leaned into him and put an arm around his friend’s back.

“Seriously, Buck. I do hereby solemnly promise that what I’m thinking has nothing to do with kicking you to the curb.” Bucky had tensed a little when Steve first put his arm around him, but soon relaxed into the touch. “Do you want to know what I’m thinking?” asked Steve.

Bucky replied softly, “Of course.”

“I’m thinking that perhaps I may want you too. I’ve never thought about it before, so it’s still a new thought but it feels _right_. You’ve always been there, always been such a part of me that it’s hard to think of us as separate. And you’re probably the only one besides my ma who can put up with me long-term,” he laughed. He turned so that he was facing Bucky, even though it meant that his arm came away from Bucky’s back. “Look at me, Buck,” demanded Steve gently. Bucky turned to look at Steve, obviously surprised by what he was hearing. 

Steve had never backed down from a challenge, and he wasn’t going to start now. So, even though this was a complete novelty, he pushed on. “You said that Gloria gave me my first kiss. But I don’t think a peck to the cheek really counts, do you?” Steve grabbed Bucky’s hand and plowed on. “Buck, will you kiss me?”

* * *

Bucky was pretty sure his brain short-circuited. Did Steve just ask….? But there he was, holding Bucky’s hand calmly, apparently oblivious to Bucky’s heart jack-hammering away in his chest. He knew he needed to say or do something, but he was incapable of anything other than breathing at the moment, and even that was in question. “Steve…?” Bucky always knew that Steve was the brave one between them, and this was proving that in spades. Steve smiled at Bucky, like he knew what his friend was going through at the moment. He lifted his other hand and placed feather-light fingertips against Bucky’s jaw, big blue eyes drawing him in. Bucky involuntarily gasped at the touch as he leaned into it.

“Buck,” repeated Steve, “will you kiss me?”

“...Yeah.” His voice was as dry as the Saraha, but he managed at least to get that out. Steve’s smile got a little bigger, and he leaned in a bit. _Oh yeah, I need to lean in, too. Lips need to touch to kiss._ Lips! He was going to actually get to taste Steve’s lips! _Don’t fuck this up, Barnes. Just kiss him already._ Bucky had kissed dozens of girls over the years, but he had never been nearly as nervous as he was now. He tentatively put his hand against Steve’s jaw, rubbed his thumb against Steve’s full lower lip, still in disbelief that this wasn’t a dream. Closing the distance between them, Bucky inhaled Steve’s scent. He had never noticed it before, but it was wholly _Steve_ and Bucky realized he needed it like he did air. His lips finally brushed against Steve’s. They were dry and chapped and perfectly soft; it was nothing like kissing a girl made up with lipstick. It sent a rush of heat racing through his whole body, feeling lit up like a Christmas tree. Bucky had never experienced this type of thrill before. He desperately wanted to deepen the kiss, to take more, to give more, but he didn’t want to push Steve. Instead, he pulled back and rested his forehead against Steve’s. He exhaled shakily and slid his hand down to Steve’s neck, his fingers absent-mindedly playing with the blonde hair there. Bucky felt like they were the only two people in the world and didn’t want to break the spell.

“Bucky…” Steve breathed out softly. “Kiss me again.” This time, Steve’s hands came up to cup Bucky’s jaw and pulled him into the kiss. Bucky tilted his head a bit to get a better angle, and even though Steve was a bit clumsy, it was divine. The kiss became more heated and insistent, their hands starting to roam each other’s bodies. Bucky pulled Steve onto his lap so that Steve’s knees were straddling his hips. _Oh. This is better_ Bucky barely had enough brain power to think. He was caged in by the smaller body, and Bucky didn’t ever want to leave the blonde’s embrace. Steve gripped his fingers in Bucky’s thick hair, making Bucky groan out loud and part his lips. He was surprised when he felt Steve’s warm tongue gently explore his lips. He inadvertently thrust his hips up into Steve, which caused the younger boy to moan. _I want to hear that sound forever._ Bucky put his arms around Steve’s back and pulled him in tight and ground his hips into Steve’s again. At this point, Bucky was harder than he ever had been before, and he wanted the blonde to know it. He could also feel how hard Steve was. Which was….incredible. At this point, both boys pulled their mouths apart, panting hard. Bucky looked into Steve’s electric blue eyes and was blown away by the intensity he saw.

“Stevie...I just want you to know,” Bucky said breathlessly, “I just want you to know that we don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. Anytime you say stop, and I will. I swear it.”

“I know you will, Buck. I trust you. And the same goes for you,” Steve said in a deep husky voice that _did things_ to Bucky’s insides. Bucky wanted that voice to invade every last corner of his body and live inside of him for all time. 

“Christ, Steve, the things you’re doin’ to me. You don’t even know,” Bucky murmured.

“Why don’t you tell me then,” Steve teased.

Bucky leaned his head against the couch in mock despair and looked up at the ceiling. “You’re a menace, Steven Grant Rogers. I’ve wanted to kiss you for years, and here ya are--”

Steve interrupted, shocked, “ _Years_ ?! You’ve wanted to kiss me for _years_?” He sat back on his heels, as well as he could while still on the brunette’s lap, and crossed his arms.

“I--uh--well, yeah,” Bucky said, slightly chagrined. But he straightened up, looking Steve right in the eyes and continued, “What didja think? That I just woke up one morning and thought, ‘Hey know what would be fun and very illegal if we got caught? Plantin’ a big one on my best guy.’”

Steve had the decency to look faintly abashed. “I don’t know, Buck. You’ve been yourself up ‘til this past week. How was I s’posed to know any different?”

Smiling and taking his best friend’s hands in his, Bucky said, “Stevie. I think I’ve loved you since the time first I laid eyes on you in that alley, defending that poor ragged kitten that ended up scratching your hands to pieces. I’d never seen such a sight before. You were so small that I thought you were Becca’s age. And you looked about as homeless as that mangy orange cat, but you had fire in your eyes and were willing to take on those brutes who were trying to hurt it.” Steve’s eyes were wide and his mouth agape. Bucky tucked a loose strand of Steve’s hair behind his ear as he leaned in and whispered, “I love you, Steve. I always have.” 

* * *

Steve certainly hadn’t been expecting Bucky to tell him that he loved him. Hell, everything about this night was unexpected. “You remember all that?” he asked, stunned, more amazed at the memory than at the profession of love.

*****

Steve had been six years old and had come upon some older boys who were torturing a feral kitten for fun. For as long as he can remember, Steve had hated seeing anything, weak or not, be tortured or bullied. Flailing his little fists, he pounded on the boys’ backs, and they dropped the kitten out of surprise. He managed to scoop the poor thing up, but it wasn’t keen on being in his arms either. That’s when seven-year-old Bucky came upon them: the kitten scratching Steve, trying to get out while little Stevie was yelling at the boys to go away and leave the kitten alone. Bucky wasn’t all that intimidating at seven years old, but he was healthy, well-fed, and obviously well-cared for, and that in itself made the other boys rethink trying to go after Steve.

“I had ‘em on the ropes,” little Stevie complained.

“Ya sure did, pal. I was just there in case the kitten needed back-up. Now, where d’you live? You’re all scratched up.”

“Right around the corner. My ma is going to be so mad again. She hates cleaning me up.” Steve’s ma was a nurse, and she always said she did more nursing at home because of Steve than at the hospital. “I’m Steve, by the way. Steven Grant Rogers.” He stuck out his little hand for the sable-haired boy to shake. “Who’re you?”

“Nice to meet you, Stevie. I’m James Buchanan Barnes, but you can call me Bucky.”

*****

Bringing Steve out of the past, Bucky said, “Of course I remember all that, Steve. It was the day, the _moment,_ my life changed forever. I just didn’t know it then. And I don’t think I’ll ever stop figuring out the ways you change my life.”

Steve could feel himself blush to the roots of his hair. _Damn that Irish complexion_. Bucky had such reverence pouring out of his icy blue eyes; he didn’t think he deserved all that. He ducked his head. “Buck, c’mon. I ain’t nothing special. Stop looking at me like that”

“Looking at you like what? Steve, you _are_ special. I mean that. Who else, as a scrawny underweight six year old, would take on bullies three years older than themselves to defend a recalcitrant dying kitten? And you know that other people just don’t do that. That’s all you, Steve. You’re brave enough to truly and completely stand up for what you believe in, damn the consequences and black eyes. That’s why I’m looking at you _like that_.”

Steve was silent after that speech; he had no idea how to respond to that. He honestly didn’t think he was brave or special. He was just pissed off most of the time and took it out on bullies. “If you think that way, you’re crazy, Buck.”

“If you want to call me crazy, fine, then that just means you’re loved by a crazy person.” Steve squirmed on Bucky’s lap, and Bucky drew him in and gave him a quick kiss on the nose. Bucky laughed when Steve scrunched up his nose, but quickly pulled Steve in to kiss him again on the lips. “This okay?” he breathed against Steve’s mouth. Dumb with wonder, Steve nodded. “Well, it seems like I found the one way to shut you up, huh?” Bucky’s eyes twinkled as he teased the blonde.

Steve jabbed Bucky’s side, saying, “Shut it, jerk, and kiss me.” Happily, Bucky obliged him. Steve couldn’t get over the feeling of Bucky’s soft lips on his; he knew he had nothing to compare it to, but he somehow knew nothing would ever compare. He twisted his hands into Bucky’s hair, in hopes that the brunette would make more of those delicious groans. Bucky opened his mouth and let Steve take the lead, exploring at his own pace. Steve could feel Bucky’s hands on his narrow hips, and his fingers were working their way under his shirt. Steve gasped at the sensation and wanted to get his hands on Bucky’s skin too. He dragged his fingers through Bucky’s hair and down his neck and started undoing the buttons on Bucky’s shirt. Bucky took his hands off Steve’s hips in order to shrug his shirt off completely, making Steve whine at the loss of skin contact. He was appeased a moment later as he ran his fingers over Bucky’s defined arms, muscled from years of boxing. But Bucky’s undershirt was still in the way. “Buck,” Steve mouthed against Bucky’s jaw while grinding his hips down, “still too many clothes.” The brunette nodded and hastily drew his remaining shirt over his head.

“You too, Stevie. I wanna see you,” Bucky panted hungrily, his voice threaded with neediness. Steve made quick work with his button-down while Bucky pushed up his undershirt. Finally divested of their shirts, Bucky pulled their chests together and trailed open-mouthed kisses up Steve’s neck, lightly sucking as he went. 

“Buck...oh god...oh that feels--” Steve stuttered as Bucky’s tongue reached a particularly sensitive spot right below his ear. He had never felt more alive; all his nerve endings were alight with desire as Bucky’s mouth and hands moved over his slight body. Steve scratched his blunt nails down Bucky’s back, eliciting a shiver of pleasure from the older boy. 

“Fuck, Stevie! I gotta--” Without finishing his thought, Bucky grabbed Steve’s ass and stood up. Steve gasped, instinctively wrapped his legs around the brunette while his hands scrambled to maintain a grip. There was no mistaking either of their desire, their hard cocks grinding against each other through their slacks. Bucky walked them towards Steve’s bedroom, his lips never leaving Steve’s. They reached the bed, and Steve felt so loved as Bucky tenderly sat him down on the threadbare quilt. Steve gazed at Bucky, still standing, noticing his heaving chest and tented pants. A thrill of excitement flooded Steve. _He_ was the cause of that. He felt all-powerful in that moment. Here was Bucky, wanted by every girl in Brooklyn, and Bucky wanted _him_ , bony little un-special Steve Rogers.

Steve placed his hands on Bucky’s firm chest and surveyed the smooth skin underneath his long fingers. Bucky just stared at him, eyes wide and breath hitching, as Steve traversed the valleys of his hardened abdomen. As Steve started to undo Bucky’s belt, he looked up and rasped out, “Tell me you want me to keep going.”

“Yes! Oh, god yes! Please don’t stop.” 

With the belt undone, Steve undid Bucky’s button and fly and let the pants drop to the floor. In just his boxers, Bucky was magnificent, and Steve suddenly couldn’t wait to see all of him. He slid his hands under the waistband, squeezed Bucky’s ass, and let the boxers join the pants pooled around Bucky’s ankles. Steve absorbed the sight of Bucky’s hard cock standing at attention, lost in the novelty.

“Touch me,” Bucky’s pleading voice broke through Steve’s reverie. “I need you to touch me, Stevie.”

* * *

Bucky stood completely naked in front of Steve and completely in disbelief. He never in a million years imagined this scenario happening. Wishing for and imagining it, yes, a hundred times over. But he thought it would just remain a fantasy. And now that it was real, and he was naked in front of Steve, he trembled in need. “Touch me,” his voice wavered. He didn’t care if he was begging. “I need you to touch me, Stevie.”

Steve’s luminous blue eyes locked with his own cool blue ones as he reached out and touched Bucky’s cock. Bucky’s body spasmed at the caress, and he closed his eyes in relief. He could feel Steve’s hand become more confident as he stroked Bucky, rubbing his thumb over the head, his other hand cupping his balls. Groaning at the sensation, Bucky found himself running his fingers through Steve’s hair, just to be in contact with him. “Feels so good,” he murmured. Seeing Steve’s long fingers wrapped around his cock was pushing him closer and closer to the edge, and he didn’t want to come quite yet, not until he explored Steve’s body. “Stevie, I wanna get my hands on you,” his voice was barely above a whisper. Bucky stepped out of his pants and boxers and pulled Steve to standing, where he made quick work of Steve’s pants. He didn’t care about finesse, he just needed to see _Steve._

And what a reward. Steve was _perfect_ , from his jutting shoulders to his slim hips to his bony ankles. Not to mention his larger-than-expected hard cock. Even though Bucky only had his own to compare to, he could tell that Steve was impressive. 

“You gonna stand there and drool or are you actually gonna touch me like you wanted?” Steve smirked.

“Punk. Maybe I wanna get my fill of you first. You’re gorgeous,” praised Bucky. Steve squirmed under the complement, but Bucky continued, “I mean it, Steve. You’re beautiful.” He pushed Steve gently back on to the bed and crawled on top of him, where he proceeded to lavish kisses along Steve’s long white neck. “Wish I could mark up this beautiful neck, sugar.” The endearment slipped out before Bucky realized what he was saying and hoped that Steve didn’t mind it. But by the way Steve moaned and arched his back, Bucky figured he was all right. “You like that, Stevie? Me calling you sugar? You’re not sweet to many people, but you’re sweet for me.”

“M’not _sweet_ , ya jerk,” groused Steve.

Bucky huffed out a laugh. _Stubborn to the very last drop_. “Fine, sugar, you’re not sweet,” Bucky chuckled as he nuzzled Steve before quickly kissing him again. Steve threw his arms around Bucky’s neck and deepened the kiss while thrusting his hips into Bucky’s. Bucky couldn’t believe how good Steve’s cock felt against his own. He reached between their bodies and grasped Steve, stroking along his glorious length and twisting his hand as he reached the head. 

“Ungh,” Steve mumbled eloquently. “S’good, Buck.” He reached up to capture Bucky’s lips, tongue demanding entrance. Bucky indulged, completely in love with the feeling of Steve’s lips on his own. He wanted this moment to last forever. And he couldn’t believe how _responsive_ Steve was; every touch seemed to light him up. “I’m close, Buck,” Steve huffed, “want you to come with me.” How could Bucky refuse a request like that? He spit in his hand and grabbed both of their cocks, starting slowly, then moving faster, closing his eyes in pleasure. He could feel the heat pooling in his belly, could hear Steve’s breath become more erratic. 

Bucky looked down at Steve, to see the blonde’s eyes shut tight. “Stevie, look at me,” Bucky softly demanded. Steve opened his big blue eyes, and Bucky could feel himself starting to fall off the cliff. There was desire, hunger, and _love_ pouring out. Bucky wanted to drown in those feelings and never resurface. “I’m comin’, Stevie...ungh,” he managed to grunt out before spilling over his hand and onto Steve’s belly. Steve followed quickly after, adding to the mess. Bucky wanted to collapse onto the bed, but he didn’t want to accidentally hurt the blonde underneath him. He rolled to his side and wiped his hand on his stomach. He could feel Steve’s breathing return to normal next to him. Bucky nuzzled into Steve’s shoulder and huffed out a short laugh.

“Well, this is not how I imagined this night was going to go.”

Steve chuckled, his deep voice saying, “No? And why’s that, Buck?”

“Shut it, you punk,” Bucky replied. A thought occurred to him, “You don’t regret it, do you, Stevie?” He couldn’t stand it if Steve regretted tonight. 

“Nah,” came Steve’s soft reply. “I don’t regret it. Kinda wish we had been doing this all along, though. That was incredible, Buck.”

Bucky felt himself turn red at that. “I thought it was great, too. And I’m glad. That you don’t regret this. I don’t regret it either, just so you know.”

“Yeah, I kinda figured that one out on my own,” Steve said as he grabbed his undershirt and wiped up the cooling semen on his stomach. He handed the soiled shirt to Bucky, who wiped off his own stomach and hand. Steve then snuggled into Bucky’s side, filling the space perfectly. Bucky thought his heart was going to explode with contentedness. He bent his head down and nuzzled his nose into Steve’s hair, “I love ya, Stevie. I really do. I think you’re it for me…’til the end of the line, pal.”

* * *

Warmth flooded Steve at Bucky’s words. He knew they were completely true and honest. And even though he was only 16 (almost 17), he knew he felt the same way about his friend. “I love you, too, Buck...’til the end of the line.”

**Author's Note:**

> More to come for these boys....


End file.
